IT'S (been) CHRISTMAAAAAAAAAAAAS

So. It's that time of year again when a fat, bearded fellow climbs down your chimney, leaves little kids presents and eats all your food, but enough about gary glitter. (What a terrible joke on 12hundred different levels i know)

WE'RE ON ABOUT CHRISTMAS.

Woooo.

etc.

Yeah, since it's now ther 29th of December, i find it hard to raise the energy to pretend to be excited about it.

"BUT STE. SURELY YOU HAD A GOOD DAY?!" scream my plethora of fans (Okay sarah does, amir takes a mild passing interest, AND NO ONE ELSE GIVES A SHIT).

But yes sara- i mean my fans, i did have a good day.

And i got shit loads stuff. Please look away now if you hate middle class kids...

The List Of Christmas Presents That I Deffo Don't Deserve And Stuff Which Would Have Been Put To Better Use If The Money Had Been Sent To Africa For A Well:

Me 'Rents are paying 100 quid towards my Leeds Fest tix -
11 Albums - 3 editors, 2 jofo, klaxons, hard fi 1st, killers 1st, lmt 2, slow club, white lies LAV IT.
Killers Live DVD - They are so good live, if i ever got enough money i think i'd go see them live.
Inbetweeners Series 2 - "I want to be an airplane driver"
Peep Show Series 6 - "I took a wank bullet"
X-Men Quadrilogy - Is that even a word? Fuck knows, but they're all good films.
Guitar Hero 5 - for wii. 100%'d brianstorm yesterday. Best moment of my life. YEAH.
Little King's Story - for wii. Looks shit. Is brilliant.
De Blob - Not great, but okay.
SMELLY STUFF - Cause i smell
CHOCOLATE AND SWEETS - cause i love stuffing me face.
30 Quids Worth of HMV vouchers - Sarah, my uncle and aunt, and vickiees mum+step-dad. They know me too well. And yes, despite those 11 albums, their are other CDs that i STILL want.
Book thing - Off Vee, people wrote in it. Love you people.
Hand cream - Off Vee, "cause i'm such a girl" apparently :(
Frigid - Off Vee .A beany baby penguin. LOVE THAT PE- I mean... GIRL.
30 quids worh of... MONEY - Yeah i now have money :O Maddness
Sir Den-OH WAIT No i dont. Despite starkie saying he'd give it me :(

YOU OWE ME THAT PENGUIN BITCH.

Anyways enough about that.

"HOW WAS YOUR CHRISTMAS DAY?" shouts the voice in my head, THAT DEFFO DOESN'T MEAN I'M CRAZY HONEST PLEASE DON'T TAKE ME AWAY FROM MY FLYING FROGS.

*cough*
Anyways.

Woke up just after 10, unwrapped all my shit (not literal shit, gary glitter doesn't hate me... sorry santa), watched the family watch all the stuff. Used my stuff. Had christmas dinner with the folks and grandad ("Seen rochdale! top of the league!" "yes :(" god that man is cruel), watched some christmas tele with the folks, played guitar hero a lot.
About it.

No football on boxing day led me to feel slightly worried and scared and thinking WTF WHY IS THERE NO FOOTBALL ON BOXING DAY. ;_;
and

and
and
and
and

I'M RUNNING OUT OF THINGS TO SAY I'M LOSING ALL INSPIRATION.

I'm going to click publish post now.

THE 6 BEST PEOPLE OF 2009

AS VOTED FOR BY ME.

Me = Steven Crossley, writer of This Blog Is Better Than Your Life, and general awesome guy.

I picked 6 as i couldn't leave one out to make a top 5, and i couldn't be arsed writing about 10. This isn't to say these 6 people mean the most to me (they're deffo in the top 10 though), it's just when i think of 2009 i think of these 6 people having the biggest and best impact on it.

In alphabetical order (of first names):

Adam Reeve

"Who?" is probably everyone's reaction to this name, and you're right, none of you know him. He isn't famous, he isn't northern, so what the fuck is he doing on this list? Well he's been my mate constantly this year and has made me laugh a hell of a lot. Sure he does too many sex/wank/poo jokes but he cares about shit too, and has consistently helped me whenever he could. He's also a sexy man. As you can see above. Fate has it we don't live close but he's been more awesome this year than any other, and considering i've known him since the start of 2007, that's saying something.

Andrew Starkie
A lot of people expected us to fall out this year because of the girl situation, they underestimated our friendship. We battled on, we hung out, I made him laugh, he made me raise a smile from time to time, he grew his hair and it suits him much better. He started coming further forward at gigs and generally being more and more awesome as the year goes on. Don't tell him I said this but he's probably the main reason i go into that holy cross hell hole every week. We've been mates since year 7 and the "chill out zone" and we're better mates than we ever have been tbh. Even though he torments me with "I've pulled, have you? ;D"

James Corderio

The story of mine and james' love for each other is very well documented, on this very blog, but I will proceed to write some words about him anyways. Basically we started talking because of (what we thought were) broken hearts, but now we talk about anything. He likes some of the music i like, and i like his band. He may be brown, but he's awesome. He likes short, pale, slim girls with indie fringes and clothese. He smokes and i disaprove but i still love him nonetheless for fucking up his life. Please love his band. They're quite good, and they may even record "Lucid Lucie" sometime. Maybe.

Rob Fairclough
It seems mad that until James' party in may i never really spoke to him. Cause lets be honest here, Rob is a legend. Sure he can be overly harsh at times, but he has a strong heart, and he serves to remind me that i'm not always the grace of god and i do have my downsides. Only a few though. He's probably the funniest person on this list of people, he seems to think of jokes off the top of his head in a way that makes me jealous. The cunt. Anyways, yeah he's been awesome this year and will be next year. LEG-END.

Sarah Gee
It seems weird that i'd include someone who i first me on Monday 15th June in the top 6 people of the year but i just did. I spose it shows how awesome she is, she's my brother on facebook, and she actually feels like my brother (not literally... errr not that i touch my brother. OR SARAH! OR ANYONE (other than my girlfriend)). We take the piss out of each other, but we trust each other and shes a laugh. She may be an emo, all her friends may be lesbians, she may be a massive racist, but hell. It's sarah. Gotta love her.

Victoria McCusker
This is a hard paragraph to write. How do you write about how awesome your girlfriend of 7 months is without coming across as soppy or whatever? The answer is you can't. More than anyone, vee's changed my year for the better, since i've met her the years got better and better, we've got better and better as a couple. She cheers me up when i'm down like no one else does, and a lot of memories of my best memories of this year involve her in some way. She's pretty amazing, and since this is the end of the year, i'll even admit she's special to me.

DONE.
Merry Christmas, Happy New Year, bla bla bla.

Oh, btw. Birthday on 21st January. Get buying me something. Ta bbz.

Gigs

Just for reference and something i can update, if i've forgotten any, someone give me a shout.

The List:

6 times:
For The Weekend (Mates band)
4 times:
Twisted Wheel (1x Support)
Twice:

Bigfoot (Mate who's a rapper)

The Answering Machine (1xSupport)
The Pigeon Detectives
The Enemy
Once:
Arctic Monkeys
Art Brut
Editors
Los Campesinos!
Lost Knives (Support)
Reverend and The Makers
The Backhanded Compliments (Support)
The Nevide (Mates Band)
White Lies

Venues:

5 times:
Academy 1
3 times:
Academy 3
Apollo
Twice:
Club Academy
Once:
Blind Tiger
HMV
JD
M.E.N. Arena
MET

Siberia
The Death Institute
The Rock

Dates (bolded bands are listed above ^):

22/05/08 - The Pigeon Detectives+Pete and the Pirates @ Apollo
17/07/08 - For The Weekend(FTW)+The Nevide+Bigfoot @ MET
04/12/08 - The Pigeon Detectives+Red Light Company @ Academy 1
-
2008: 3
-
21/03/09 - The Enemy+Twisted Wheel@ Academy 1
15/04/09 - Twisted Wheel @ HMV
23/04/09 - FTW+Reform+Contrasts+Zoltan @ Academy 3
27/04/09 - Art Brut+The Robocop Kraus @ Academy 3
16/05/09 - Twisted Wheel+TheAnsweringMachine @ Academy 1
03/06/09 - Twisted Wheel+Lost Knives @ JD (NME House Party)
27/06/09 - Missed FTW, saw The Vigilante+Out From Animals+Smudge @ Club Academy (Sonic Boom)
18/07/09 - FTW @ The Rock (Rock on the Rock)
31/08/09 - FTW @ Blind Tiger (during GlastonBURY)
25/09/09 - FTW+Parafin Oil Shop+The Risks+Last Night's Tuxedo @ Academy 3
16/10/09 - Editors @ Academy 1
26/10/09 - Los Campesinos!+Copy Halo+Sparky Deathtrap @ Death Institute
29/10/09 - Reverend and The Makers+The Backhanded Compliments @ Academy 1
21/11/09 - Arctic Monkeys+Eagles of Death Metal @ M.E.N. Arena
26/11/09 - The Answering Machine+Post War Years+The Crooks @ Club Academy
27/11/09 - White Lies @ Apollo
29/11/09 - The Enemy+General Fiasco @ Apollo
20/12/09 - Bigfoot @ Siberia
21/12/09 - FTW @ Siberia
-
2009: 19
-

Future Gigs:

02/02/10 - Johnny Foreigner @ The Ruby Lounge
12/02/10 - Twisted Wheel @ Academy 2

15/02/10 - Everybody Was In The French Resistance... NOW! @ The Ruby Lounge
27/02/10 - Los Campesinos! @ Bristol Thekla
16/03/10 - Editors @ Apollo
28/04/10 - Good Shoes @ The Death Institute

Questions for you "music" fans...

1. Song of the Year?
2. Album of the Year?
3. Artist of the Year?
4. Song of the Decade?
5. Album of the Decade?
6. Artist of the Decade?

Answer in comments plz, i should be doing a blog about my answers to those six questions, so i'd like to see how you lot feel too.

Also, dont forget this decade includes the years 2000-2005. Some good music was released then too, don't forget about it.

Think about it.

It's the way a word is said, not the word that is said. How many people dya think who get called a "paki" has lived in BRITAIN their whole life, and their parents lived in BRITAIN their whole life? A hell of a lot. How many people dya think who get called a "paki" are actually from india or bangladesh origin? They're not "Pakis" any more than we are "french". And thats why people call it racist. Think about it. ♥

Misfits Episode 3 Clips

Wow, my last blog got a lot of attention, i got emailed by the lovely PR company behind Misfits (http://www.hotcherry.co.uk/) and even got Misfits to tweet about it: See HERE.

So to get you in the mood for tonights episode i have 2 lovely clips for you:




Misfits, Thursday 26th November at 10pm on E4

Brilliant.
I won't be able to watch it at 10pm, as i'm out watching The Answering Machine (listen to their album here) as my first gig of my 3 in 4 days. But don't worry I'll be catching up on 4oD as soon as i'm home and i'll give it a review in the next couple of days. Don't forget to watch

PS. Anyone fancy a misfits competition?
PPS. Thanks to hotcherry for the videos.

It's dripping with teenage pre-cum, but it's fucking brilliant.

Misfits

Or "Skins meets Heroes meets Inbetweeners", i don't think it has the same ring to it, though that's what e4s voice over guy INSISTS ON CALLING IT, EVERY FUCKING AD BREAK.

Other than that annoyance, Misfits is brilliant. That's brilliant in fucking bold god damit.

You see, Misfits (how long can i keep italicing misfits before i want to stab myself? Lets count) is E4's newest comedy-drama-porno-thriller-horror-thingymagik. It is every fucking genre teenage kids like thrown into one.

Sexy Women? Check.
Lots of sex? Check
Sexy Men? Check.
Criminals? Check
Hilarious Jokes and lead character? Check.
Sex? Check
A weird one? Check.
Boobs? Check.
A chav one people laugh at? Check.
Lots and lots of sex? Check
Loads of sex jokes? Check (as the irish one - i can't remember his name - said: "Another oral sex joke, hilarious!)
Superpowers? Check. Well.

You see, the "Misfits" are 5 young offenders who have all been put on community service for a variety of offences, they kept caught up in a storm, and BANG. They all have "super" powers. Well, all but one. And the powers aren't all "super".

I can't remember the names of the characters so i have nick names:

The Weird One - He's weird. He's shifty, he looks like a massive pervert, he films fucking everything, so obviously, he has the power to be invisible, to be even MORE of a massive pervert. Brilliant. He's doing community service for setting a house on fire. Love that guy.

Look at his eyes.

The Chavish Girl - She's a chav, she can read minds, i can't remember why she got put on community service, so meh. But basically she can read everyones mind. Brilliant. A chavish girl can read your mind, i'm going to have to watch what i'm thinking of when i walk up hornby street (that's a gag for you walmersley lot).

The Sexy Sports Guy - He's black, he works out, he has shit hair. But i'm sure all you girls love him. He's doing community service for being caught with drugs. He can reverse time. REVERSE FUCKING TIME. He's done it once. Gee thanks.

The Hot Black Girl - Anyone who touches her wants to have sex with her. Yeah, seriously, the writers of this are perverts: "Lets give her a superpower to make men want to sleep with her, she can get naked a lot!". It led to the weird one saying he wanted to "piss on your tits". Sex, piss, comedy and superpowers, all in one line, i told you this show had fucking everything.

Not the best picture.

The Funny Irish One - He can't do anything from what we've seen so far, but he is hilarious. He puts everyone down but his jokes are amazing. He is my favourite, and he should be yours.

But basically, in 2 episodes these 5 individuals have murdered someone ("I think this breaches the terms of my ASBO"), had sex with a granny (i won't say no more, because it's a fucking genius reveal), watched girls get undressed, came within 30 seconds ("What's wrong with my come face?"), made out on a fucking stairlift, met a fucking werewolf, turned back time, filmed a naked man running the streets.

So loads sex, loads jokes. But is there any heart Steven, any soul?

It doesn't matter but yes there is. We've already seen the funny irish one change a little bit, without losing any charm, and there is more to come.

So please, if you've got some spare time.
Check out the first two episodes.
It's fucking brilliant.

(Unless you're over the age of 25, then you might hate it and it might disgust you).

Crossley's Week

No i'm not starting my own paper, however now i'm considering it...
ANYWAYS.
I'm bored on a sunday. Like every week.
Which got me thinking, could i successfully sum up every day of my week in a simple name? Therefore summing up my life in 7 sentances? The answer? Well. Read on.

Boredom Sunday
It's today! And i'm fricking bored, like pretty much every sunday, ever. EVER.

Long Break Monday
First day back, and i have an epic 3 and a half hour break. It's so long, it's nearly as long as my penis. If errr penis' were measured in hours? So yeah, i'm normally at home chilling. It's pretty damn good.

Fuck My Life Tuesday
The day every week i just cant be arsed with anything. Really gets me down... despite having a 2 and a half hour break and only 3 lessons. But yano, it's fricking tuesday! Say hello to cheer me up on this day :(

Holy Cross Wednesday
I'm not a massive fan of Holy Cross (as revealed in this earlier blog). "But STE! I see you there every wednesday!" Yes. Yes you do. Because it's Holy Cross Wednesday. It's the day where i catch up with my good old chums who go that horrible college. It was hilarious on wednesday though, doing the minutes silence they were, rob STORMS in the college, not realising. "I thought it was just a long queue!" wtf rob? Anyways, i nearly got chucked out, cause proudy thought it'd be funny to shout "WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE" really loudly when a teacher was behind me, the cunt. Anyways, between11-1 im normally in and around Holy Cross with such delightful people as Starkie, Rob, Horrocks, Chelsie, Robyn, Adam Macca and many many more.

Too Many Lessons Thursday
THERE'S TOO MANY LESSONS. 6 hours of lessons for the loss :( But cause its nearly the weekend, I don't want to "fuck my life".

Football Friday
After a week in college i finish at 3pm! And then... i go back to college to play football at night, with people from the good old Derby. S'alright.

Soccer Saturday
I watch Bury pretty much every saturday (unless they're dawn sartttth).

BOREDOM SUNDAY
THE CYCLE IS COMPLETE.

Can you sum up your days in one sentence each?
TRY IT AND FIND OUT.

God i love cats.
Buy me a cat for christmas?

Sorry for the shit blog. But i was bored. And i stopped you being bored for a minute, so yeah.

BAIS.

ps. adz. is crap.

Because I CBA making a properly serious blog.

"You break everything" is a common insult thrown at my by Ben/Victoria/Rob/Otherpeople.

But why do they say that? What have i ever done?
Well, i'm going to list my escapades...

At the age of 7. Or 8. Whatever. I broke a car headlight (1). It was a bike race, and i was slow, turned a corner too fastly, crashed into a parked up car. Bad bad times. Some older people went off to tell the guy. I shat it (well i would if i knew what "shat" meant, i probably thought it was a hat) But they came back and said "it doesnt matter i'm selling it soon". The more i think about it. The more i realise. THAT WAS PROBABLY A LIE (Like the cake).

Later on in life i broke my dads laptop (2) from work by pulling out the dvd tray. I also broke a keyboard (3) with my sister by spilling coke on it. Talk about spilling stuff, i once broke another of me dads laptops (4) by spilling coke on it. True times.

Talking about breaking laptops. I - rather famously - broke Rob Faircloughs laptop (5) by spilling lager on it, just the other month. It's fixed now though, so dont worry.

Me and Rob in happier times.
Well, we're not smiling.
And there's a thumb down.
So just...
Me and Rob in times.

I also have a nasty habit of breaking peoples gates. Namely Elliott Fawcetts (6) by swinging on it: "Awww come out playing football" *gate breaks* "Err... im going now" *runs* And Bens (7) though i can't remember how.

Talking of Ben i've broke his PSP (8), his PS3 controller (9), his XBOX 360 controller (10), and generally his self esteem.

I must have broke starkies "famous" window (11), just by pushing it:

As amazing as it was the first time i saw it.

I broke the first (12), second (13), third (14) and fifth (15) phone i ever owned. I lost the fourth. Read about it here. Such sad times. And so long ago.

I also broke 3 watches (16,17,18) ... of the same make. LOVE ARGOS. LOVE LIFE. Also, broke the watch i got for my 16th birthday (19).

In more recent times, i did criminal damage to Clinton cards. Me, Rob and Horrocks - being the hilarious fellows we are - put a fantastic mr fox mask on a teddy bear in the shop. I walk without walking. I walk into a mug stand. The whole thing shakes. One falls off. (20)

I'm a wanted criminal.

Look at me. I'm a bastard.

A bastard in yellow.

Talking of stuff i've broke, i've broke sarah's house (21) and err, her back (22). I sort of pushed her off some really high 5-a-side nets. She could have been disabled. She wasn't thank god.

I can't afford the compensation.

And she's my brother.

Talking of people breaking, i broke my leg, not once (23), but twice. (24) Both playing football.

Look at the leg! D:
Look at the amazing spaceship wallpaper too.
But mainly, MY LEG.

Add in the amount of fucking wires as well... we're on about (50), yes i break that many headphones.

There's obviously so much much more i've forgotten but i cba thinking now.

I think all this proves is.
The justice system doesnt work, as i should be up for criminal damage.

ps. adz etc etc.
pps. blog off.

A Completely Unbiased Guide To The Colleges Bury Have To Offer

It's the time of the year where lickle year 11s are thinking of going to college, here is a completely unbiased guide.

BURY COLLEGE

• Offers a range of qualifications, A-Levels to Diplomas.
• Is situated close to Bury.
• Has a boring Principle
  
• Slogan is: "Outstanding!"
• Not into indocrtination
• No lessons? You can go into Bury and hang out, or even go home! :D
  
• 5 minutes late? Don't worry, Bury won't castrate you.
• Don't have a lesson till 1? You don't have to come in till 1.
• Miss a lesson? We won't phone you.
• Has a libary where you can rent lots of DVDs for free.
• Has some form of security to stop peadophiles.
• Has me.
  

Holy Cross College

• Just offers A-Levels
• Is further away from Bury
• Has nuns.
• Slogan is: "If you're not clever, fuck off".
• Makes you do RE to push their catholic agenda.
• No lessons? YOU CAN'T LEAVE THE BUILDING. DON'T YOU DARE.
• 5 minutes late? BURN HIM!
• Don't have a lesson till 1? You have to be in at 20 to 9... EVERYDAY.
• Miss a lesson? We'll fucking phone you alright.
• Has a libaray where you can rent the bible, and NOTHING ELSE.
• Has no form of security. I can get in whenever i want for fucks sake!
• Only has me visiting on wednesdays.

HAVE FUN CHOOSING KIDS.